Wednesday, April 25, 2007

My teeth are cleaner than your teeth

My teeth are cleaner than your teeth. Unless you're German, and in that case, you could possibly have teeth as clean as mine, but not cleaner, oh no. To be honest, I can't really fathom cleaner teeth than mine.

You see, yesterday I went to the dentist and shelled out 80 Euros for a professional cleaning. Unfortunately, the term 'professional cleaning' doesn't really convey to the average American reader (or to anyone who hasn't had one before) the true significance of the procedure. It is serious. (Caitlin, I'm still undecided about if it's fucking around or not fucking around about fucking around.) The procedure began with a supersonic or ultrasonic cleaning. I believe that the purpose of this was the shake the plaque off of my teeth. This was followed by a step which was comparable to sand blasting but which was carried out with lemon powder. Then came the part I was familiar with -- the polishing. And last but not least came the fluoride treatment that smelled like nail polish remover. All of this stuff was pretty horrible. I yelped in pain more than once.

But I would do it again. I will do it again in the recommended amount of time because, sweet jesus, my teeth have never been this clean. My respect for German dentistry has skyrocketed and I'd like to invite any of you to come by and see my dentist for a cleaning.

7 comments:

Claire in Tuba-Town said...

No comments yet . . . I guess this means that you are all giving in and admitting that I do indeed have cleaner teeth than you do. Thank you.

skhl said...

I have not been to the dentist in almost 2 years. It is pretty inexcusable. I just called to make an appointment and the receptionist asked when I was due for my next visit and I said "probably February 2005." I think I really confused her. Anyway, your teeth are definitely cleaner than mine.

Zosia said...

I am sad to say I no longer have health insurance (DAMN you, poopy government "auxiliary employee" status!) so I haven't been in a while....I'm sure yours are cleaner than mine! Because I don't want to shell out 150 bucks for a cleaning, I'm going next week to the local college dental clinic for a mere 40$, and a student will do all the stuff with a supervisor. The only downside is it will take 3 hours! Sweet jesus. But yes, I am just that cheap about dental care.
I would much rather have a good thorough German cleaning, sonic blasting and all.

Zosia said...

P.s. I'd like to thank you for digging up that long-forgotten MS Paint masterpiece. That was one fantastic party!

Katie said...

How do I become a book ninja??

al said...

I'm willing to hand you the crown as well.

If only we could have this gem published in every English Dental magazine...

Maria said...

If I can, next time I'm in Germany I'll get a teeth cleaning. I could use one. Last time I had it done in Canada it cost me $250 (uninsured).